Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dots in the sky

Dear Auntie Anneka

I met someone I like. I think I really like her. She’s a friend but recently we have spent a lot of time together, just the two of us, and my feelings have developed and I now want more.

However, all is not rosy. There is a problem. She has just started seeing someone and given we live on the same sim I often sit at home seeing her yellow dot and his green dot overlapped on my minimap while they’re up in her skybox.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Frankton McNab

Dear Frankton

Thank you for writing. I feel your pain, I really do. From where I sit, I can see three options.

Option 1 is to continue to sit at home watching the two dots overlapped tormenting yourself as you wonder if they’re cuddling or most likely, doing more than just cuddle. This option would just be masochistic and self-indulgent sitting wallowing in your own emotion and rejection. I probably would not recommend this option.

Option 2 is to move. Box everything up, call the removals men and ship out. Find a new place to live and then try not to develop a crush on you new neighbours. It would work, but it would be a pain in the backside.

Option 3, and probably my preferred option, involves launching a counter-attack. Two can play at that game, as the saying goes. If you have been spending a lot of time with this girl I would guess that she likes you too and hasn’t just been tolerating you. As such, a little mental warfare might be inorder. Therefore I recommend heading out to a seedy dance club, finding a desperate and horny blinging floozy and then bringing her back to your place to get it on. Of course, it might be worth checking that your neighbour is online and at home first. Otherwise you’ll just have generated a skanky stalker for nothing.

Alternatively create a sexy alt and do the wild thing via poseballs with her. It achieves the same end and you don’t risk pixel viruses that way.

Auntie Anneka

Friday, December 4, 2009


Dear Auntie Anneka

I want to know your feelings about SL online relationships of married people that are not married to each other? Is it infidelity? Do you think you can play this game and simply remain good friends and not cross boundaries? Just wanted your thoughts.

Thanks many times over.


Dear Dierks

Thank you so much for wanting to seek me out for help and advice. This is certainly and complicated and thorny issue. And one that I am sure I will not get to the bottom of in the limited space here.

I try not to judge others. After four failed marriages I am certainly not in a position to. Although only two of those divorces were directly due to Second Life, I guess. And even with those two, it wasn’t in Second Life where the relevant spouse at the time caught me in flagrante in that motel room. True, I had met them inworld, but that’s not important. I digress…

Online relationships – an area fraught with danger, mystery, intrigue, excitement, danger, excitement. I can see how the idea might be enticing. Especially if you’re lonely, your work-obsessed husband spends long hours at the office, drinks with his colleagues till all hours and then comes home and passes out on the sofa. For some it would be an attractive idea.

But as the judge said to me at the divorce proceedings for my second, no third marriage – you made a commitment for life, not just until you got bored. I have learned since then that infidelity is in the mind as well as the body. Do we cheat on our spouses when we imagine ourselves with the sweat-stained buff gardener or when we actually have him ravage us in the tool shed? I think it must be the former. And thus, following that logic, getting your avatar down and dirty with some random foreign stud you met at a club who doesn’t speak English but so eloquently propositioned you must also be classed as crossing the boundaries, as you put it.

In my youth, I would have answered otherwise. But I was in denial, acting on a whim and following the devices and desires of my wanton flesh. Now, in later life, I see the error of my ways.

I do think we can play this game and remain good friends without the torment of sexual desire. It’s just bloody difficult!

Auntie Anneka

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Long gone

Dear Auntie Anneka

The other night I decided to go to a club with my friend. While I was there I met this most wonderful guy. He was so handsome, so charming and such a good dancer. He made me feel like the most special girl in the world. Eventually he asked me if I wanted to leave with him. I was so happy to. He said we could have gone to his house but he was halfway through redecorating so we had to go to mine instead. I went home and then TPed him over.

He asked whether we could go upstairs. I was a little reluctant as I had only just met him but he spoke to me about all the things we would do together in the coming months and I just knew that he was right for me. Because of his promises I relented and we headed upstairs and spent the most wonderful time together. It was perfect. He let me do most of the emoting as he wanted to get a feel for what I liked and although I wasn’t sure about it I even went on voice although he could not join me as his microphone was broken.

Everything was going so well. We made love for at least five or ten minutes until suddenly the crashed. I lie there on the bed for maybe half an hour waiting for him to come back to lay and hold me but he never did.

That was about ten days ago and I have not heard from my handsome boyfriend since. I am starting to get worried. I have IMed him time and time again but I have had no reply. He has even dropped off my friends list. I hate it when technology goes wrong.

Please help me. I don’t know what to do. How can I find out where he lives in RL so I can contact the hospitals?

Alexandra Seadown

Dear Alexandra

As is tradition, I would first like to thank you for your letter. I cannot imagine the heartache you must be feeling.

Now let me get this straight, you honestly believed every word this Casanova wrote to you? You really are a na├»ve little girly, aren’t you? "Handsome boyfriend"? Please, lady! It is certainly pretty obvious to everyone else that every lie he fed you was the work of a master seducer playing you like a fiddle with one aim. And it worked, didn’t it? He removed your pixel panties, took what he wanted and shot through even before his pants had time to cool on your bedroom floor.

Face the truth – he is not coming back. He did not crash. He is not in hospital. He is just male.

My poor girl, you have so much to learn. Flirtations, bedgroom games and short-term liaisons are common intentions of many men in Second Life. Indeed of many women too. The grid is an open field of sexual opportunities and although many seek and indeed find love and companionship the majority of us crave nothing more than cyber-gratification. The sooner you learn that, the better. Embrace it. The euphoria of a brief lust-filled alliance can be liberating. It makes a refreshing change to another night at home alone with the toy drawer, I can tell you.

Auntie Anneka

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

She's a moose

Dear Auntie Anneka

I met someone a while back. We get on well. Really well. We have so much fun together and cannot stop laughing when we are together having fun. She is so lovely and fun and I cannot think of doing anything else in SL except be with her. Even just sitting talking to her with our clothes on is fun. I have never felt that way about anyone before.

I know it sounds like this is all brilliant, and it is. Or at least, it was. That is, it was until we agreed to swap RL photos and at that moment the magic fizzled out for me. Her RL pic looks nothing like the darling girl I fell for inworld. I’m just not attracted to her anymore.

Please tell me – what should I do?

Spencer Paringa

Dear Spencer

Thank you for writing and for sharing your problem with us. It is something lots of your fellow Second Lifers have experienced in the past.

I have a question for you though – are you really that superficial, you shallow bastard? Does it really matter? The character of your girl is still the same. She is still the same person you "fell for", as you put it. Can you not slex her up without thinking of the RL her or do you have no imagination at all?

Oh, and look on the bright side, at least she is a she!

Auntie Anneka

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Furry balls

Dear Auntie Anneka

Please help me. I have been in Second Life for a while now and have surrounded myself by a good group of friends. We have laugh, we joke, we explore, we take the mickey out of anyone who doesn’t conform to our particular social stereotype – all the usual stuff. However I have a secret that I am not sure they’ll be able to accept and I don’t know how to tell them.

It started a few months ago and all seemed quite innocent at first. Whenever I was getting dressed I felt I was not complete until I wrapped a particular big fluffy scarf around my neck. As the weeks progressed the scarf was no longer enough. I found myself drawn to fluffy ears and a tail. Whenever I was alone I would run across to my favourite seedy Neko shop and drool over the woolly boots and paws.

But now I find that even that is no longer sufficient to satisfy my craving. The other night I found myself drawn to a club called Sasquatch and after unpacking and wearing one of the freebie avatars available outside I wandered inside unsure of what I was doing and why.

I know I should be appalled by what I saw, and what I was wearing, but it just felt so natural and so comfortable. But how do I tell my friends? I desperately want my loved ones to know but I am scared of what they’ll think. How do I stand there and tell them that inside I am furry. How do I tell my best friends that I don’t want to hang out with them but instead I wanna go riff some doggy av I met down an alley the other night?

Yours in desperate need
Plushy McPuffballs

Dear Plushy

Firstly thank you for your letter, the first of my new blog.

Well, that certainly is a dilemma, and one that doesn’t have an easy answer. On face value it seems like the best advice would be come out of the toybox and tell your friends that you’re furry and proud. Any good friends would certainly recognise your freedom of choice and support you in your lifestyle decision.

However, I gather from the undercurrent of your letter that your friends are backwards-thinking rednecks who are threatened by anything different. As such the best you can expect from telling them is ostracization and the worst is them giving you the beating of your life leaving you battered and bloody in the corner of a sim, followed by ostracization.

Remember, my friend, this is Second Life we’re talking about. My advice to you is to be who your friends want you to be there around them and to riff your fellow furries within an inch of their lives whenever your friends are away. Live a lie. It’s what the rest of us do.

Auntie Anneka

The Grand Opening!

Hello and welcome to Ask Anneka, Second Life’s one and only advice column (that I could find via a quick and dirty google).

I’m Anneka. Auntie Anneka, if you prefer. And I’m here to solve all of your problems. Whatever the problem might be, I can help you with a solution. I realise that it may be a virtual world, but our problems are not virtual at all. Believe me, I understand.

Just email me here telling me all about your particular issue and I will post a reply here just as soon as I can. Oh, and if you want to email a photo too I’ll try and use that. Just make sure you tell me whether you want to remain anonymous, eh?

Unfortunately a personal response may not be possible for every question just because of the sheer number of emails I am sure to receive. Also I cannot promise to publish every letter here because some of them might be boring, quite honestly. And who wants to read about boring problems? Certainly not me!


Anneka (Auntie)